My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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