Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
