Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
