You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
