she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
