I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
