I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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