He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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