i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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