i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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