Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
