Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize