in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
