And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she told me i tasted like america
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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