one might say we're banned from that church
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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