I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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