I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
