I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
