Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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