So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
false alarm, still single
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
