so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
