You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
