that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
