It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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