I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize