I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
