Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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