i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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