i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize