I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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