Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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