You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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