tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
