I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
