i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
