i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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