I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
