Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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