He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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