At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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