so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
