insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize