I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
