i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
