So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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