Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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