how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
