remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
