Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
