He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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