i drank out of a bidet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
