The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
