the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
