I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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