you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
