Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
