Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
