Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
