my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
