I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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