so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
