I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
