I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize