why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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