currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
