I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
