i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
